I'm having a moment

I know I don't usually get real personal on our blog, but I have been thinking a lot about something today and I wanted to share my thoughts...

As long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mom. I have always loved children and I spent a lot of time babysitting and being a nanny. Because of this, I felt somewhat prepared for motherhood, and in some ways I was- but in a lot of ways I was not. I have to say that being a mom has been the most challenging thing I have ever done. It is by far the most rewarding but at times it can be the most frustrating (especially when they reach the age of oh about 15 months!). I think one of the most wonderful things about being a mom, though, is how much I have to completely rely on the Lord. If I try to parent in my own strength, the day is very frustrating and I feel little or no joy. I can still remember the day my mom left after I had Caleb (It was the Friday after he was born) and I was left all alone with him until Landen got home from work. I remember being the most scared I had ever been. Caleb was sleeping in our rocking chair and I curled up beside him and cried and prayed to God. I feel like that was a real defining moment for me as a mom because I realized that this was a whole new thing- I needed to completly rely on the Lord! Since then, I feel like He has been teaching me so much!

Today was one of those mornings that thankfully do not happen very often! I wanted to drive into Bellevue and take the kids to see Landen, but that did not happen. Caleb woke up a little after 6 am and was a real pill. He was so fussy and whiney and ahhh! Halle was also a little fussy because it was time for her to take her nap, but I very occupied with Caleb, so it was hard to meet her needs. I did attempt to drive into Bellevue but turned around because Caleb was crying in the backseat. I was really trying not to get frustrated, but it was becoming quite difficult. Thankfully when we got home Halle did fall asleep, and after some "cuddle time" with mommy Caleb became his usual self so the rest of the morning went pretty well.

After the two fell asleep for their afternoon naps, I came across a blog (see our links: mom for life) that brought me to tears. In this blog a mom shares her emotions after losing her third soon when he was born. As I was reading this, tears just poured down my face because I thought of my two beautiful children that God had blessed me with. I would take a thousand mornings like this morning before I would ever want to lose a child. I feel that God is really teaching me to have an eternal perspective about being a mom. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the frustrations and completely forget what a gift they are! I really want to begin each day focusing my mind on that thought because I feel that no matter what the day brings, God can give me the strength to enjoy Caleb and Halle to the fullest. I am so thankful I ran across that blog (I would recommend you check it out) and now I can not wait for the two kiddos to wake from their naps because I want to give each of them a huge HUG and tell them how much I LOVE THEM!